Like Trying to Wipe Off the Warmth of the Sun

This year has not been one for smashing records of victorious Christian living.
Not for me anyway.

I have found myself surrounded by a deepening gray fog.
At times anyway.

And sinking in the goopy mire of self-talk, self-help, self-interest.
My defunct self-self.

The battlefield of my mind is the horizon that stretches before me. As far as the east is from the west.
Seems that big anyway.

I lost my dad-in-law. And at the time it did not matter to me where his soul went because at least his earthly pain was finally over.
Finally over.
That's how I felt at the time, anyway.

A very dear friend confessed deep skepticisms about the truth of Scripture. The stuff that is the very foundation of my faith. I have been rocked and shaken.
Wandering for a year in a fog that occasionally seems to lift.
A fair bit, anyway.
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Standing on the battleground as the fog rolls in.

I will not be so noble as to pretend I don't want to be rescued.

I know I am weak for this.
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But there is a Bright Light. He burns of his own accord and does not wait for me to acknowledge Him before he radiates in my circumstance.
He is radiating.
He is bioluminescence.
He is burning off the fog.
He is lighting this battlefield in the blazed whiteness of day.
He is burning the image of Himself upon my retinas- so that He is the thing I see no matter where I cast my gaze.
He is drying the miry clay until it cracks and peels and blows into fine granules upon the wind.


So even though the year has found me cold, mired, bewildered and beleaguered...
At times...


Denying the truth of this Bright Light would be like trying to wipe off the warmth of the sun.


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Press play on the MP3 player to hear my not-so-traditional Christmas song offering: Never Alone, Barlow Girl

Contemplative KIDS Christmas I- Barn Smells

Hi! This is Ellie & Rebekah.

We want to tell about a little thing we did.
We, our family did a little thing together,
starting with some cookies....

Okay, we've got to tell you....
We were pretending that the cookies were manure!!!!
And then we played with the PLAY MOBILE nativity set.
We pretended that it was the very 1st Christmas.

I bet the cattle likes the food!!!!

Ellie says:"What about the donkey????!!!
Doesn't he like it too???!!!"
We hope you like our blog!!
Good-bye!!!
"Boo-hoo-hoo!"
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Hi! This is Rebekah!
I want to tell you about another part of our project.
My mom & I went to a stable to document all the smells there.
What it smells like to me is homey & comfterble.
Like hay & horses, & like leather.

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Jesus was born in a stable and a stable is like a barn. Stables smell bad. They have lots of animals and their droppings. I think that Jesus was really, really humble to go and be born in a stable with all the droppings. It represents that he wanted to come as a humble child.
If he had been born in a hospital or a house, people would think he was more honorable. But he wanted to come and be humble for us because if you are born in a stable people wouldn't think of you as very mighty. - Ellie

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By Anna,
who really likes to hear the keyboard clicking away

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No-Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies
(featured at the nether-ends of our nativity animals above, but if you find that gratuitous you can just put them on a festive plate)

2 cups sugar
¼ cup cocoa
1 stick butter
½ cup milk
½ cup peanut butter
1 tsp. vanilla
3 cups oatmeal

Bring sugar, cocoa, peanut butter and milk to rolling boil. Take it off the heat and add the 3 other ingredients. Stir well. Drop by spoonfuls on waxed paper to harden.

Gratuitous

Gratuitous

Would it be gratuitous to linger here
Ankle deep in manure?
To rest my eyes, engage my brain
Fixing on the burn in my nostrils?
To nudge a pile with my toe,
Revealing the ripest aroma,
Seeking the rawest of raw in this stable?

Is it superfluous that we lean,
Faces hovered over rotting compost?
Digging, churning, turning
Unearthing decay and fermentation?
Prodding the layers, loosening the debris
While searching for words to describe its offense?

An un-called-for experiment
This ancillary venture
When matters of pressing importance
And the delicacy of polite society
Apply their subtle pressure.

Perhaps it is
Gratuitous.

But I am arrested.
Stopped. Still.
And the question lives in my head like the acrid smell lives in my nose-



Was it gratuitous that He should linger here
Ankle deep in our manure?
To rest His eyes and engage His brain
Fixing His heart toward those that burn His nostrils?
To embrace fallen man through His presence here?
Revealing our ripest aroma,
Seeking to save the rawest of the raw?

Was it superfluous that He leaned down
Face-first into our rotting man-culture?
Digging, churning, turning
Unearthing decay and fermentation?
Prodding through my layers, loosening the debris
Supplying words, impelling my search- despite my offense?


An un-called-for experience
This ancillary venture
When faces of holiness and glory
And the divinity of heavenly society
Enjoy unsullied communion.


Messiah. Emmanuel.
Gratuitous.

* For SoulPerSuit's Contemplative Christmas: Week 1: Barn Smells

Confessions of a Contemplative- An Invitation

It seems to happen every year. I start the Holiday season with high hopes of cutting back, trimming the calendar, spending the bulk of our time cozied up at home as a family, inhabiting the season in a worshipful and reflective fashion. Some December days are actually that- worshipful, reflective, homey, cozy.
But then there are other days when I think I’m my own worst enemy. I get my heart set on finding the perfect gift for my kids (and shopping for it for 8+ hours on-line!), or operating an elaborate Christmas cookie factory in my kitchen, or I simply get wound up in the dinner-dishes-out-the-door-to-Girl-Scouts-before-we’re-late routine.

December pushes and pulls me. I feel the need to push and pull too.
I’m looking for a way of stepping back and soaking in the ways Christ’s gift of Himself affects me.


I’d like to invite you to join me in setting aside the gingerbread men to gaze transfixed into our Savior’s infant eyes. SoulPerSuit is hosting a Christmas reflection group.
This SPS group is not intended to tax your already-packed holiday calendar. We offer it to you as an aid to pulling back from the quickened pace December takes… to breathe… to gaze… to ponder… to wonder as you wander.

To make your holidays holy days.


This season, I'm all about simple, focused worship. I think this SoulPerSuit Contemplative Christmas group is just that. And I'd love for you to join us. Details are on SoulPerBlog.

Never done a SoulPerSuit group before? Wonder what it's all about? Click here. Or here.

Backpacks for Christmas

I know many people like to give to Angel Tree, Compassion International, or local abuse shelters, etc. around the holidays. Many times these organizations ask people to pack a backpack full of school supplies, toys and toiletries for the kids in their specific field of ministry. (Our old church in Texas takes a bunch of filled backpacks down to the school kids in Mexico every year.)

We bought these at The Children's Place yesterday for $6.99 each. Markdowns on back-to-school items are rampant! And I really like the backpacks at TCP because they are well padded, roomy, and come in some dern fun styles. Who can beat $6.99???

Also if you're looking for an alternative to Christmas wrapping paper this year (like I am), think backpacks, laptop cases, messenger bags. The Children's Place had them all. For cheap.

Life is Here

This has become my favorite ornament on the tree this year.

While merrily decorating our tree, my 7 year old spied this teeny bird's nest built deep inside our tree, near the safety of the trunk.

To think that we were nearly done decorating before anyone saw it!

We could have spent the entire Christmas season bustling around our tree... arranging and rearranging presents, watering the base, enjoying the twinkling of the bulbs, vacuuming up fallen needles, plucking off a candy cane to munch while we read stories on the couch, fondly reminiscing the family events represented by our baubles and bangles, admiring the balance and texture of our lovely evergreen friend... and completely missing the subtle message nestled within its quietness.

"Life is here."

Life is here.

*We carefully pulled the nest out and placed it on a prominent bough for all to admire. Such a beautiful message the Lord has for me in this little home of twigs. Subtle, quiet, always there but not always acknowledged. Humble.
** Read Mary's post on subtlety. Quite good.