14 August 2010

The Cup That Overflows

I have had much to say.
And I've had very little to utter.

My life seems to operate in this push-me-pull-you kind of way these days. In the spring I felt strongly impressed by God to allow myself a time of silence, to simply sit back and "be," to keep my eyes and ears open but my mouth closed. To exercise my self-discipline. Perhaps preparing me to tend to other things that I didn't yet know were on my horizon.

In April I was diagnosed with breast cancer- although I knew it in my heart for almost a month previous to it being officiated. What graciousness that whispers these things early to my spirit! Preparing the way for hard news, readying me to face my husband, my children, my parents, my sisters and brothers, my friends and family and to tell them to their stricken faces- God is doing something in me and He is using my body as a vehicle.

I have wanted so often to come to this blogging "living room" of mine and tell the world what God has brought about, what He is still in the process of revealing to me. But I've feared the narcissism of it all. (And then I give myself a good chuckle, because after all, what else IS a blog if it's not all about what I want to say and how I want to engage the world? Blog= narcissism.) And at times, most of the time really, I'm at a loss for words. Breast cancer is a huge thing. Even more profound are the twists and turns my heart takes on a daily basis- some as a direct result of this new facet to my life, some just bubbling away in the day-to-day of life.

I've wanted to come to this "living room" to share with you, but then... what do I really have to say? The words do not come easy. The answers don't come easy. Even the questions themselves are somewhat hard to articulate.
So, again, I've had to learn contentment in just sitting quietly and letting it wash over me. Holding out my tiny cup of me into the pounding waterfall of life and taking what small droughts I can. Is this what they mean when they say "my cup overfloweth?"

I sit here these days breastless, hairless, tastebud-less, and sometimes energy-less. But I am not hopeless or loveless. My cup overfloweth.

And I truly apologize for not getting this out here sooner. But if you're interested, I have a Facebook support group that I write to frequently- it's the practicals and the weekly updates of what my treatment is like. Look for "Erin Teske Support Group" in the groups section of Facebook. I'd love to add you.
For those of you trying to steer clear of Facebook, I also send the same updates out through an E-mail loop. Just leave me your preferred E-mail address in the comments section here, and I'll add you to the list.


Blogger Kelli said...

I will be praying for you

11:18 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Be blessed, Erin. I hear God working in your words and that is rich, indeed.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your life is telling the story for the people around you. Those of us who are not nearby will have to wait until you are ready. Rest and heal. Let me know if you need to talk "post cancer." It's hard to feel normal sometimes, but you are.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Beautiful girl - you inspire me. I love the way you put how God is using your body as a vehicle to take you through something. With me, He is using an identity altering experience which is in no way competes to the journey you are on. But I understand the sitting quietly and wanted to say that I'm hanging out with you under the waterfall, holding out my own cup and laughing and crying as the water streams over our faces. X May you be blessed beyond cuppage today! :)

7:26 PM  
Blogger L.L. Barkat said...

Dear, I think of you often. And you didn't miss anything about my illness from lack of watching... I just waited to share.

Such an experience makes my heart reach all the more tenderly towards you and what you have suffered (and continue to suffer). You are love-full. That I know.

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

I've kept a look out for a new blog from you, and I'm glad to read it. You are blessing me beyond beyond as you face your trials, and here I am wishing, praying that I could be so strong. Or, more accurately, that I could trust God so much to let his strength show through me.

Love you!

7:48 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

So many people have been blessed by your humility in the relating of your journey, including me! I've been wondering when you were going to do a blog post about your experiences but I understand blogging is not priority #1 on the list! And your updates on FB serve the same purpose. Maybe you can just copy and paste them here for those that don't follow on FB?

I think about you a lot and pray that you are going through your journey, whether your cup is barren or full, just soaking in the love that so many have for you, including Him. Sometimes, you don't have to put your cup all the way into the falls, the mist that sprays from them often is enough. It's like being filled with the breath of Christ...at least that's how I feel! ;-)

8:25 PM  
Anonymous RosalieG said...

This line shows you've got it! Hang on to this thought "God is doing something in me and He is using my body as a vehicle."

Great perspective in a difficult time.

4:55 PM  
Blogger The Writers Blog -- Joanne Nakaya said...

I was diagnosed last December, done with treatment now ... not terrified nor lost ... with God all things are possible.

7:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A,fé move montanhas bem entendido fé em Deus!

3:44 PM  
Blogger WingAbouts said...

I just found your post today - June 7, 2011. Your last post was Aug 14, 2010. I'm so blessed to have read your last entry, thank you for sharing about your struggle and how your faith in the Lord is getting you through this. I pray all is well with you and your family. Our God is indeed good, and He does use us as His vessels according to His will. May He continue to work in your life. --Barbara, wingabouts@gmail.com

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Patrick said...

Hi there,I read your blog and was deeply touched by your quiet faith in our God....through your difficult situation God has been touching peoples lives,your fortitude,strength and courage is indeed a testimony to others..and always remember that everything work together for good to those who are called according to His divine purpose..may you continue to find comfort in our Lord and savior Jesus Christ,His coming is at hand...you can read my blog http://palmytestimony.blogspot.com I will always have you in prayers

1:38 PM  
Blogger MISSYS WORLD said...

I just found your blog and I am a fellow blogger and fellow breast cancer "survivor" that has sat on the couch hairless, breast less, hopeless, taste-bud-less, and all those other lesses that we take for granted. I officially end my treatment in Sept and will be off of all chemo drugs. I too have a blog called Missy's place in the world it is about life after cancer and the expectations others have of you. I could not go back to work and am now on disability. I went from 65k a year to 1444.00 per month. A humbling experience however I wouldn't trade it for the world my life needed more God and less me and sometimes it takes a quiet peaceful time to realize it thanks Missy

3:08 PM  
Blogger Phoebe Phoenix said...

I found your blog while skipping through an aray of blogs, yours stuck out to me. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor, and I understand what you are going through, stay strong and I'll pray for you.

4:50 PM  
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